This part makes the messy parts worth it.
Just moments ago I was on my hands and knees scrubbing my dog’s underside because she’d rolled in something disgusting in our yard. I was huffing and puffing as I wrangled her, getting completely covered in dog fur, my knees soaked from snow-puddles, getting further and further behind on my work projects. A sound escaped my mouth somewhere between a laugh and a cry, and I had the thought: “So much of what I’m doing right now—I just don’t enjoy.”
After I finished getting Maggie cleaned up, changed out of my damp socks, and poured myself a fresh cup of coffee, I examined that thought. Was I exaggerating? Catastrophizing? Is it really true that a lot of my time is spent doing things I don’t enjoy?
The answer is yes. So, will I stop doing those things? For the most part—no.
The Difference Between Pleasant and Meaningful
Here’s what I’ve learned: I *do* spend a fair amount of my time doing unpleasant, uncomfortable things, and I often encourage the clients I work with to do the same. I do these things because they’re connected to values I care deeply about. Values-based living often requires us to be uncomfortable in order to do something meaningful.
While getting up close and personal with my dog isn’t my definition of fun, I value the joy a dog brings my family- and that means accepting the gross part of pet care.
I also really don’t enjoy shopping at the mall—loathe might be a better word. The bright lights, the overheating, the overspending. But I spend some of my days off there because I deeply value connecting with my daughter—sometimes just the two of us, sometimes as the designated chauffeur for her friend group.
I can think of twenty other examples from my daily life— things that are boring, frustrating, embarrassing, scary, or just generally unpleasant— from loading the dishwasher to strength-training, to serving on a community committee. But each one connects to something I value.
Of course, my life is also full of moments I genuinely love—running on trails, laughing at bookclub, snuggling my kids. The uncomfortable stuff doesn’t cancel out the joy; it just sits alongside it. Being able to hold both is what makes a life feel meaningful rather than just comfortable.
What I See in the Therapy Room
This same pattern plays out in profound ways with my clients. I’m always inspired by people who feel genuinely scared to take a certain action but choose to do it anyway—not because the fear goes away, but because the action is in service of their values. They don’t wait to feel ready or comfortable. They move forward while holding the discomfort, and that willingness transforms their lives—leading to stronger relationships, work that feels meaningful, and lives that feel more authentically theirs.
What Makes Goals Stick
Last month, when writing a newsletter, I reflected on choosing activities that are fun, and I still think we should do that. I try to add enjoyment to activities I find hard to make them more pleasant. I save my favorite podcasts for strength training sessions. I plan a yummy drink to have while at the mall. Those boosts definitely help.
But sometimes we just need to do hard things by embracing the why behind our action. February is the month of discarded resolutions—those well-intentioned January goals that fade when the initial motivation wears off. The difference between resolutions that stick and those that don’t often comes down to one thing: whether they’re rooted in what’s personally meaningful rather than what we think we should do or what feels good in the moment.
As you think about your own goals this month—the ones you’re tempted to abandon and the ones worth fighting for—consider this: “Does this feel good?” is one question. But “Does this matter to me?” is often the more important one.
I encourage you to look beyond what’s easy or pleasant. What actions align with your deepest values? What discomfort might be worth holding if it leads you toward the relationships, work, and life you truly want?
The path to a meaningful life doesn’t avoid discomfort—it runs straight through it.
